Nice little video about Russell Brand and his drug addiction. He’s talking about why he got on drugs and then how he managed to come off drugs. He also talks about how drugs affect people, teenagers and people in other countries including the victims of drugs.
I’ve posted this video because it’s relevant to young people or any people committing crimes because of the lack of police from the police cuts. Also shows one of the bad sides to the english culture and society.
Recently I have been thinking a lot about reflection. I’ve been wondering if that nostalgic pang of mixed emotions is productive enough to bother to spend time reviving. This sounds kind of silly because I have been reflecting on the act of reflecting. If I conclude that it is pointless to think about events that have gone, feelings and memories, then I’ll have just wasted another few minutes of my life. I previously wrote about smells that cast me back to a certain time or place so strongly and instantly that its overwhelming. Sometimes its inescapable. I keep getting this feeling a lot recently. I think it would be nice to live a life with no regrets and nothing to re-run through your mind with a sinking feeling in your stomach as you recall your actions. I also think that is verging on impossibly difficult. I do things on a daily basis that I regret doing in a certain way, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t learn from it and do it better the next time. I make mistakes all of the time, I am a terrible judge of character, attempting to rely on only myself is something I am always working on, and also trying not to be so hard on myself.
Anyway. Its just weird how much changes over time. You think you know yourself all along and then suddenly one day you visit a place years later, recall the last time you were there and realise you are vastly different in so many ways now. Every sense seems so intense. Feeling autumn leaves crush beneath my feet has so many memories attached, being obsessed with crunching leaves with my friend in school (there wasn’t much more exciting going on in Bradford on Avon), a walk through a graveyard with my first boyfriend, walking through a field at home to a bench I used to sit on when I needed to ‘get away’, the smell of autumn….there’s just something about it. It’s a sick kind of feeling it draws up in me and I can’t quite place why, I never can.
I went to Cardiff Bay with my friend Rachel the other day. I’ve been there a million times, but this time we were remembering out loud the first time we went down there together in the first year of university to start a film project. It was freezing outside and we ended up going to Starbucks instead. I think we did discuss a plan for the film, or did some kind of work, but we mainly just chatted, laughed, wandered around the Millennium Centre, decided there was little point rushing back for the next lecture, and took a leisurely stroll around the bay before heading home to the warmth of Ty Pont. When I remember sitting in Starbucks that day with Rach, it seems like a minute ago. Sometimes I just find it difficult to get my head around how time just flies by and all these things happen and changes occur and it just goes so fast. I looked across the Bay to roughly where my house in Penarth is. I thought of a first ‘I love you’ that was exchanged whilst overlooking that view, I thought of Domino’s takeaways eaten outside on that bench on a dark winter evening, huddled up in a warm coat and scarf by that same water. I thought of walking along that stretch of water as recently as 2012 on a day before seeing a William Control show in the evening and how different everything felt then and I can’t even believe how much feels like its changed. There just always seems to be weird shifts going on which go unnoticed at the time, or life alterations that you are aware of happening but the significance of those changes are yet to be revealed. This is just life, I’m making it sound like I am in the throws of some revelation and its so simple and its just every day life and normality and time and all kinds of facts that the human race are already familiar with but when I stop and think about how you think you know ‘your life’, but that idea is non existent because it is constantly changing and there is only a certain amount that is within your control, and actually the rest just happens with or without your consent.
This is just one of those weird rambling things I have to write down to get out of my head, I doubt it makes a lot of sense, but I’ll read it back now and see. I just can’t believe how quickly these last fews years have gone. I never realistically planned beyond university. I had vague ideas…obviously things I would like to happen in my life but really I kind of thought that was it, I couldn’t believe it when I found out I was going to uni and getting out of that town, I was free and everything was great and that seemed like enough. What?! You want MORE from me?! Was the thought that lurked somewhere in my brain after graduation. I don’t know why I didn’t realistically think there would be more. Well there is, and I am having a great time at the moment, it just gives me a kind of motion sickness feeling when I cast my mind back to previous stages in my life. It just doesn’t feel real anymore. When I lived in Gibraltar, I thought that was ‘my life’ but that feels like nothing more than a film I watched now, it doesn’t seem real, and when I really think about it, it just feels like this ache.
Ramble ramble ramble i can’t believe how long this is
actually I can
this is probably a short one for me.
Digable arts festival in Hoboken NJ
Had an awesome time and meet some really great artist as well :)
Wish I could go to this!
Autumn in West Seattle.